gone

I think about us, and I realise, with a great deal of sadness, that I’ve been longing for times gone by for too damn long. We had so many good times together. The best of times. We were so happy once. We had something really special, and I miss that so much. I wanted it back so badly. If I’m true to my heart, I still do. I would give almost anything to have it back. I almost did.

But it’s gone. It’s all gone. 

I should be glad to be rid of someone who in recent years has caused me so much unhappiness. But I’m just so inexplicably sad that something that was once so beautiful has somehow turned so bad. However bad it turned out though, it was the most important – and precious – relationship of my life, and I can’t forget that, even though remembering it breaks my heart like nothing else. Nostalgia is making it so hard to let go. To accept that it’s already gone.

Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Right now, I really don’t know.